Slipped Away
by Robyn1212
Summary: Remus Lupin ponders on what he's lost. OotP spoilers. Includes slash. You don't like, you leave me alone. It's barely there, I realized looking back on it.


Title: Slipped Away

Author: Robyn1212

Email: robyn4077yahoo.com

Summary: Remus Lupin ponders on what he's lost. OotP spoilers. Includes slash. You don't like, you leave me alone.

Spoilers: See summary.

Pairing: R/S

Rating: PG just for the existence of slash

Warnings: Slash

Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter. It's not mine, sadly. So you recognize it, it's hers. Also, the song is from Avril Lavigne's new CD 'Under My Skin' which is great.

Dedication: To Hillary who got really sad when listening to the song.

Author Note: I'm sorry if this doesn't sound right, or if it sounds choppy. I was listening to the CD and I just thought of S/R. I started to cry then and anything that makes me cry makes me want to write. I just slopped my ideas up and that's that.

* * *

_Na na_

_Na na na na na_

_I miss you_

_I miss you so bad_

_I don't forget you_

_Oh it's so sad_

Remus Lupin grabbed another stone by his feet and chucked it into the lake that consumed most of Hogwarts' grounds. It was hard to believe that it was only a month ago that he lost the only person that he ever cared for. He'd tried not to remember that night, but how could he? He saw it every night in his nightmares. "Why?" he whispered.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly_

Remus swiped a stray tear that attempted to fall. "Why did you go? TELL ME!" he shouted towards the sky. Ever since Sirius died, he couldn't go back there. Not to where he lived. He just lived at a small flat in muggle London right by the Leaky Cauldron. His life changed drastically.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same_

_Oh_

Harry seemed to be taking it okay. Better than he was, at least. But anyone could take it better than he. No one was that close, not even Tonks who was family. They didn't even have a proper funeral, just a small gathering at Grimmauld Place.

_Na na_

_Na na na na na_

_I didn't get around to kiss you_

_Goodbye on the hand_

_I wish that I could see you again_

_I know that I can't_

No one even knew about them. They were too afraid to tell anyone. Plus there was too much going on anyway. He wished he could tell them. Maybe then he wouldn't just get sympathetic looks. Maybe then someone would talk to him. But he realized that he didn't want to talk. He didn't want to do anything.

_I hope you can hear me_

_I remember it clearly_

Suddenly he felt a raindrop fall. 'Fitting,' he thought. 'It's as if the sky is crying too.'

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same_

_Oh_

Sirius was so young and full of life. Even after his Azkaban years he refused to stay put. He was active and at times bouncy. Remus fell to his knees by the waterside. Not caring if anyone was there or not, he just let loose all his tears and the rest of the world disappeared. He didn't even notice the rain had become torrential and he was becoming soaked. He didn't care anymore.

_I've had my wake up_

_Won't you wake up_

_I keep asking why_

_It wasn't fake_

_It happened you passed by_

For the longest time Remus had been in denial that Sirus was even gone. He'd imagine that he'd wake up and Sirius would be downstairs laughing at some lousy story Dung had told or arguing with Molly or talking with Harry... Then Remus woke up from his daze. It was a week or two after.

_Now you're gone_

_Now you're gone_

_There you go_

_There you go_

_Somewhere I can't bring you back_

Harry went to run to get him. Remus held him back. Why did he do that? Why didn't he go with Harry and grab Sirius before he fell through? A little voice answered him, 'Because you couldn't do anything.' No matter how much he wanted to deny it, the voice was right. Even if he had gotten there in time he might have gotten struck by another of Bellatrix's spells. Damn that woman. Hadn't she done enough damage? First the Longbottoms and then Sirius. Even if he could, though, Remus wouldn't go back and save Sirius. He just couldn't. There was nothing he could do. Nothing.

_Now you're gone_

_Now you're gone_

_There you go_

_There you go_

_Somewhere you're not coming back_

He didn't know exactly what WAS in that room. Just that no one had ever come back from behind the Veil. Sirius was strong and resilient but he wouldn't be able to come back from this. He just wouldn't. "Why?" he whispered again. There just wasn't a reason. There wasn't an answer. As a teacher, he should have known the answers. He didn't have the solution for this. And he didn't know what to do. So he just sat there and wept.

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same_

_Oh_

Sirius seemed to have slipped through his fingers. Just when he'd had him back, just when his life was becoming normal again and his best friend wasn't a killer...

_The day you slipped away_

_Was the day I found_

_It won't be the same_

_Oh_

Remus looked up at the sky as he felt the rain stop. He saw the sun let through the clouds. It looked like heaven to him. Peaceful and serene. Almost enough to make him forget. But something ran through his mind then. Something he read somewhere. "Even Angels fall," he spoke it aloud.

_Na na_

_Na na na na na_

_I miss you..._

If Angels fell, why doesn't his?


End file.
